Franklin’s Revenge — THE TURKEY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX!!!
Legend has it that Rotund Founder Ben Franklin wanted the turkey to be our National Symbol, but that the turkey lost out to the mighty eagle. Franklin is said to have been disappointed but accepting of the defeat. Unlikely!
Secret government records recently released through a Freedom of Information request show Franklin was gleeful about the turkey losing to the eagle, writing to Fellow Founder Samuel Adams, “Tis a great and wondrous thing that the eagle has defeated my champion, the turkey, which tastes especially delicious with your beer. You, my friend, are a Brewer and a Patriot, a Brewer-Patriot, if you will.”
Huh?
Q: Why would our Wiliest Founder nominate the turkey for National Symbol and then celebrate its loss?
A: Our own Benjamin Franklin was the progenitor of the now-ubiquitous Turkey-Industrial Complex! The Franklin family (and the vast extended family of all of his love children) continues to reap rewards from the metastasizing Turkey-Industrial Complex.
Benjamin Franklin was perhaps our smartest Founder. He knew then what holds true today–America loves underdogs. Specifically, America loves to EAT underdogs. The best way to pave a path from eating an eagle here, a turkey there to EATING BILLIONS of STUFFED TURKEYS EVERY THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS AND EASTER was to turn the turkey into an underdog–hence the so-called competition for National Symbol.
Truth is, turkeys are much less delicious than eagles. Much less! But Founding Father Charles Thompson was much less wily than Benjamin Franklin. He proposed that the eagle be our National Symbol, hoping to lose to the turkey and thus pave the way for the growth of the Eagle-Industrial Complex (his brother Thomp Thompson had already established the nation’s first-and-last eagle farm, which produced at its peak two thousand delicious eagles per month). The eagle won, the turkey lost, and today we eat turkeys and revere eagles.
There are many birds that are tastier than turkeys! Not just eagles, but condors, falcons and spotted owls! Fight for the right to eat tastier meats for the holidays!
RESIST THE TURKEY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX!!!
